So you're in Canada, eh?

APOLOGIES about the title. It just had to happen.

At my lap's expense I am updating from my father's too heavy, too hot, too everything-laptop in a room without air conditioning somewhere in British Columbia. But hey-- it's free room and board so I cannot complain.

At least I am not aboard a plane. If you didn't know, I despise traveling.

Soooo we've been visiting Vancouver and what can I say, except for the fact that it's pretty much got the charm and fun of Chicago and the magic and essence of the west all wrapped up in one.

We're finally settled in after about four days and tomorrow will be my first "real" excursion into the city. This should take all day and I'm very excited for it. Unfortunately, I missed the Portobello West Fashion and Art Market but I know that gastown and metrotown will have a lot to offer-- maybe I'll even ignore my fashion impulses for some downtime at Spanish Banks. It's very pretty there... yesterday it was low tide out to perhaps the middle of the bay.

I've met a lot of my mum's old roomates and I can tell she regrests having left Vancouver, for these men and women are so much more charming than the friends she has in the states. Already, my dad is inspired to get his knee surgery because he realizes just how happy he was before "all that shit went down".

Did I mention my mother keeps forgetting I don't speak tagolog and I now hear that come out of her mouth twenty-four-seven? It's the friend factor. I still think it's lovely.

The parks here are bomb, and I'm already regretting the fact that I didn't bring my longboard. The paths are wide enough, so are the roads, and a lot of them aren't busy. In fact, I've already seen about ten longboarders in the past few days, four of them scouting a busy road along SFU, all clad in hardcore-helmets and padding.

Maybe I'll go to school here. I mean, there's Emily Carr if I want art, SFU and UBC for other endeavors.

I really like it here.

[haha american apparel in CANADA]

I apologize I'm being quite vague. I'll make up for it with some pictures on my flickr later.

oh ps. I missed the Blink 182 concert tonight. sad.


Well I'll be...

Only rain today. But she brings new life and wonderful cooling sensations on the back of my neck.

My apologies for not posting an entry for so long. I recently made the drive down to Chicago for the Second Annual Blackhawks Convention (hockey-nut over here), and spent a good five days in Chicago. I'd tell you more about it but let's just say I left the city with a love/hate feeling in my stomach. People can be so rude.

So now that I have been home for about 3 days, it's already time to get up and go. I'll say, the stress of traveling are already tugging at my brain and we haven't even left for the airport yet! I've packed my suitcase and weighed it at about 35 pounds (50 pound limit) so there should be room for all the Vancouver fashion-market/gastown goodies that I'll be compiling for the next two weeks!

I've been corresponding with the Creative Director at Elroy via email and she's been so kind as to give me info on where I can find their pieces around the city (Portobello West Fashion and Art Market being my best bet). I'm excited to see what Vancouver has to offer style and art wise, I know I'm going to feel spoiled after my first step into their modern art center.

Consumerism aside, Whistler mountain and Stanley park are going to be photo goldmines, as well as the places I'll be visiting via bike...

I can't tell you how excited I am to leave this place. It hasn't had much to offer for the short time I have been back, but maybe that's just my glass half-empty perspective that I've acquired as of late. Let's just hope I learn to be a tad bit more grateful. Yesterday's frolic through the nature conservancy with Elliott was a good lesson.

I'm happy and grateful to announce that I've made finalist for Modcloth's Terrific Transformation's Contest. I'm grateful that Modcloth took the time to read and give me this chance to share my story. The other finalist, Shar, has quite a moving story to tell, and my heart wrenched when I read her entry. My hat goes off to her and I wish her the best of luck in everything she does. To tell you the truth, if I do not win, I'm still so delighted that I got the chance to share my story and hopefully I'll have made a difference thanks to ModCloth.

I wish I had the brain capacity to finish crosswords...



I met with a client this morning by way of bicycle and a big heavy laptop (haha i’m so old fashion) on my back, so once I got home I decided that the look for today would be comfy, casual, and well. girly ^^. Notice the eye make up— urban decay and medusa’s circle products with some mac thrown in there.

I took pictures during our little pre-show celebration. With father's new point and shoot. I've come to the conclusion that I still hate point and shoot. The cinematography in the movie was brilliant and moving. However, the movie for content itself was a tad... mediocre.


The head scarf is from grandma's closet, top and pants via H&M, and the shoes are from mum's closet. I love em' all. Oh, and shades provided by American Apparel.


Whose side are you on?

It's rather hilarious that I wore this outfit while running errands on my trusty bicycle today. she's orange, and her name is essi. I was craving a DIY project and lo and behold I grabbed some old leggings from H&M and just started snipping away.

I had to put them on right away, and figured that a nice long tank top would do.I pulled out the OBEY hat and Puma shoes as a bit of a revival stunt and away we go!

It's hilarious that I caught each and every driver of every car that passed me staring. Hm. Maybe I'll have to get some restraint on this new *favorite* piece of mine. It's just too bad I live on the boring side of an even more boring town. It really gives too much freespace to the imagination.

god, those shoes are amazing for biking.

What's not amazing for biking is the denim dress I got today. I finally found one with enough elasticity to hold it up around the chest area (i'm not well endowed as a woman, thanks nature), and it's long enough to cover my otherwise well endowed rear end. oui!! Suprising enough is that it's from American Eagle, I store I had never stepped into before. I guess you can't quite cut out the cookie cutter stores either.


Some green and pups.

Oh, the joy of waking up before the majority of your age group! I had forgotten what privileges this act presented until this morning.

Paula suggested we go downtown and around the county area, starting at 8 AM. She kept her word, and pulled up to my door at 8. Hah, I was still packing my bags then. We were at Bimpe's house by Oh-five, and soon enough we were making people shake their heads at our rambunctious stoplight-car-dancing to Passion Pit remixes.

The Farmer's market was our main goal but after walking all the way up State Street and being distracted by the Art Fair (which made me realize that I could REALLY do that for the rest of my life without complaints), we couldn't find it. It was supposedly moved to King St. but um... even at 9:15 it either wasn't set up, or we're silly. Perhaps it's the latter, but it's in the past. So we made a full circuit around the square, stopped at Jamba so I could grab breakfast (peach perfection!), and headed down to The Union terrace to begin what we had came for.

Paula's senior pictures. Oh, she's so beautiful, it's a shame she kept saying she felt like she looked awkward. The only thing awkward was the sun, come noon time. She brought a good number of clothes to change into which was refreshing and Bimpe was tagging along with us to serve as a good distraction from the lens.

We got our fill of the lake, the little kids, and the atmosphere of the terrace, so we decided to make the trek back to the van, but not before stopping at UO. There was (of course) a "sale". There was also, of course, many more things that I wanted to purchase that were not on sale and my $30 would definitely not suffice. Sad.

We continued on, and took a pit stop at Paula's house to see her new puppy and grab some refreshment. Water, and Spock the white lab. Spock who drinks out of his water bowl only when Paula points to it repeatedly, and when after consuming his fill he steps in the water bowl and steps out. This dog has ocd already.

So out we went to the country yonder and got some shots of Paula in a few different fields. The first one was a menace, and I only say that because of the horrid lighting (harsh shadows EVERYWHERE) and about a third of a ways into the shoot I felt a tickle on my leg. I looked down expecting a tiny beetle, but what do you know it's a huge-ass wolf spider that's ready to take a chunk out of my ankle. My heart stops, I'm horrified, and yes, I DO jump five feet in the air and run 30 yards away. Paula and Bimpe are dying of laughter while I'm practically in tears.

Paula was an angel to drop me off, I came home to review the photos, sleep, eat a bagel, and chill.

So now I'm here.
I have been up for 16 hours (not bad at all) and should probably start settling down since I have a bike to ride and furniture to haul tomorrow morning.



SDWD listening party.

Despite my late rise at about 12:30PM, I was still able to have a productive [summer] day in Madison.

But boy. Walking a mile and a half just to get shaving cream and Gillette for ladies razors-- never mind that! I'll think twice before I decide that smooth legs are worth being sweaty for the rest of the day. ha ha. Too much info? Well.

Elliott was the designated driver for the trip down to Monroe St. for Zach's Stardeath and White Dwarfs listening party at the Paragon. The Paragon is a local sound system and table turner shop, so we listened to the album on vinyl. The depth to the sound was brilliant and even if the lads I dragged along weren't all into it (Dan was texting, Elliott had a migraine), Bimpe and Taylor acted pretty enthused, and towards the end Asher and Brianna showed up. A & B acted as my saviors, pretty much, because they WERE into it.

I designed a poster for the event and much to my surprise, Zach gave me the printed version to take home with me. I'm very proud of this piece, seeing that a year ago I was not all too AdobeIllustrator savvy.

But yeah-- this turntable stuff is pretty rad. I guess one of the first forms of recorded music was labeled the "Edison tube" or summat. Crazy.

by the way-- ever heard of Romka magazine? My friend Alex is featured on page 67 with a couple photos of his lady friend. Have a looksee.

A Transformation

I'm thinking I should have began my blog with this kind of post a long time ago, to give a better example of who I am before I began to drabble on about my life. I think that the absence of this type of post is what kept me from posting for so long.

The inspiration? Modcloth's "The Terrific Transformation's Contest"-- I thought, Well heck- why not?

I am currently in the middle of a fun and rather productive summer before senior year of high school. GROSS HIGH SCHOOL. But hey, I cannot say that I have walked away empty handed, nosiree! During the final semester of junior year, I took a public speaking class. By the end of the year we were all warmed up to each other so our final was to write and orate an inspirational speech or a euology. I took hold of both options and weighed them out by writing two separate speeches, but I couldn't find myself connecting with them and feeling as sincere as I wanted to sound. So (but with all due respect)... I scratched them out.

I'll always remember my first three years of high school being plagued by Anorexia, an eating disorder that I had recovered from physically, but hardly mentally. She was, however, waning and it was at the computer that it dawned on me to take the opportunity to write and give a final farewell to her. Almost like eulogizing "Ana".

I'll begin:

I met Ana in the summer of 2005. It followed an event that set up the circumstances to birth her, her real name being Anorexia. This instance was a combination of things so normal, so constant, so common… that it’s a surprise that my brain was able to conjure up this entity. This was a combination of a myriad of teenage issues and coping with the handicap of my father.

I controlled a sector of my life that should never be obsessed about by any young person, let alone human being-- but I, in fact, was. This was the constant need to exercise, to keep moving, to feel adequate, to never exceed one-thousand calories a day, to obsessively add up all the meals I ate to ideally find that number awaiting me. This was a summer that tore me apart from my friendships, from my sense of self, my love for music, and most of all, my happiness.

Although Ana sounds dreadful now, she was really, at the time, my best friend. We would surf the internet together (standing up to burn more calories and without a computer chair), to look up tips for ways to get more steps into our days and be “healthy”. We would throw fits if some social or family event would present itself to inevitably disrupt our rigid eating patterns and throw us a curve ball by not knowing what would be on the menu.

After failing to fulfill my doctor’s mid-summer assigned goal to gain five pounds, Ana and I were forced to listen to my physician tell me how my body mass index was too low, and that she was assigning me to a nutritionist and a therapist. Upon hearing this news I was in great denial, scoffing at the thought of ever needing to gain weight, constantly saying I liked how my body looked, and looking at my parents as if to say, “Step off, this is how it’s gonna be.” My parents would not hear of it. If I remember well, or at all, for the next school year, eighth grade, it was a blur of doctor’s appointments, teachers getting upset with my missing class, tears, group sessions, slapping a fake smile on, and snatching up the next distraction that would present itself, be it a friend or even homework. I had to go through the awkward stage of making friends again (for I had lost all of mine due to Ana). If that was not enough, once my friendships were established, Ana kept pulling and pulling ever so hard. Life continued to push me into dark, cavernous pits that refused to let the sun in, making me choose a day sequestered at home rather than leaving my safe zone and joining my friends for shopping and lunch downtown. She kept sending off the wrong message to my new found friends.

I remember her and I-- we cried the hardest I ever had in my life-- together. We felt the most hopeless together. We felt so out of control together. When our nutritionist prescribed my parents to make me drink a shake of their creation ever night before bed, I was hysterical at the thought of forfeiting my control-- hearing the sound of the blender made my insides coil. However, the goal was to gain weight enough to be considered healthy. After all, the sad truth was that I had hit 75 pounds at five feet, five inches and my growth had been stunted, including my brain’s development (according to my psychologist). And although the goal of gaining 40 pounds back seemed so far gone, so hopeless, and so… so STUPID (says Ana), I had to push through. And I guess I made it somewhat unscathed. I realized the need to when my blood pressure was too low for participation in gym class, and it hurt to sit in a chair .When winter was unbelievable cold as was my body all the time. I essentially had lost all the control I had gained when I met this goal.

For the next three years Ana and I began to drift apart, but not without a fight from her. I relapsed many times, losing weight, gaining weight, losing friends, finding them again. She was, in a sense, the friend you didn’t want to part with but knew you had to otherwise you both would get into trouble with the cops… Hell, I still visit her from time to time these days.

The pinnacle of our separation was during last summer. Not preferring another summer of 2005, I was enrolled in an Early College Program at the Art Institute of Chicago. This three week course took place in downtown Chicago and my focus was on photography. I had dabbled in the practice here and there throughout my years of fighting with Ana but for those three weeks I was able to finally separate myself from her in a town with other kids who were there to escape the hustle and bustle of their lives as well, and to focus ONLY on the one thing that truly made life worth living, Art. Not only was Ana some 400 miles away but she was also replaced by friendships that are still in tact today. Although the path has been rough since the summer it has been smoother since before I disposed of Ana.

So Ana. It’s been quite a ride, but I don’t think this can continue. I can’t say that I am happy to have e met you, but you’ve left me with a lesson I will never forget. I hope that you cease to prey upon others as vulnerable as I use to be. For the sake of my health, the sake of my sanity… this is goodbye.

It took a mere five minutes to give the speech and only five minutes to vanquish a side of me that had held me back for so long. This was, truly, a transformation to help me kick off my summer and maybe even my life.

I have been able to truly enjoy all the things that "normal" people do now, without her looming over my shoulder. Friends, food, family, music, art-- it's all in abundance.

I wouldn't have it any other way.


clothes at rei are ugly.

scratch that, hideous.
however, I had to suck up my pride and purchase some chaco sandals (big clunky black ones), and shorts and a shirt made from wicking. All in the color of "bone" to make me look like Nigel from The Wild Thornberries. All of this shall be for the sole purpose of Costa Rica (two weeks away), followed by my involvement with the SCA program (crossing my fingers for washington/montana), and the backpacking trip to colorado next summer.

Oh, but don't get me wrong. I still am planning on looking alright for the beach.

the beach. the ocean! My eyes have never gazed upon the wide ocean before, I have been land-locked for most of my life. This should be a treat. A large change from today's snow/sleet storm in 20 degree weather.

los monos!/// I revived the spectacles that I was shot down for wearing by stina about a month ago. They feel correct on my face. CORRECTTT. We've come to the conclusion that people can be little shits when they want to, but for some it's a fucking lifestyle! glassssss.


a nonchalant hour

lo and behold, another saturday left to stew, simmer, boil in frusteration.
oh doll, we keep this dramatic.
oh doll, we set it up.
oh doll, you fucking parasite!

elliot did invite me to drive along with him, and I had the nerve to reject such a quaint opportunity. apparently, we are both in ruts. i never questioned what about, for I knew I would never reveal to him about mine.

the film is. developed. first time fish-eye and nothing quite spectacular. perhaps color film should do it.

oh hello, i'm tewosret. who are you?